Carol Questions Her Workplace Worth after 13 Years as Mom

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Carol chose kids over career. She took 13 years off of a lucrative career to be a full time Mom. She shares the benefits and challenges she faced in this role, how she was able to make that choice without repercussion….. or was she? After some research, prayer and long talks with her kids and hubby she enthusiastically decided it was time to head back into the workplace only to discover her choices and income and even opportunities to be considered had greatly decreased. She shares tips on how to overcome this challenge and keep close tabs on the invisible investment you made into your kids.

Are you in the middle of a Mom Life Crisis? Are you exhausted from the Mom guilt of working too much or not enough? Does your balancing act feel more like a boxing match? Well drop that dish soap, step away from that spreadsheet and listen in to some tried and true stories of moms who have been there done that! Grab a pen for your notes and a cup of joe - Its time for the Juicebox Moms Show!
www.juiceboxconsulting.com

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Podcast Notes

1You Tube generated podcast notes, please excuse any typos.
0:00yes hello hello today's Tuesday it's a
0:03random Tuesday and there's two of us
0:05we're the chances and it's episode 6 and
0:082 plus 2 plus 2 is 6 so it's totally
0:11meant to be that we're talking today I'm
0:12here with Carol my dear friend Carol I
0:16always try to go how did I meet people
0:18when I find them for guess because
0:19honestly like when I first started doing
0:21the show um they kind of I thought I
0:23would talk to like mom and venturers or
0:25moms and business and all this stuff and
0:26I was like that's been done already I
0:29just want to talk to really cool what
0:32some people might call ordinary moms
0:34doing extraordinary things and as I sat
0:37and thought about it I am so blessed I
0:39know like dozens and dozens and dozens
0:41of ordinary extraordinary moms and every
0:44time I think of one I think what do I
0:46know about them and there's always
0:47something like super cool and unique and
0:49then I have to stop and go and how do I
0:51know them and so we've known each other
0:53like three years now I think there's
0:54only been two right yeah I think it's
0:57been three years and we met on the
1:01sorting made a lot of friends and I
1:04remember first meeting you and you were
1:06really quiet I thought was she still
1:09kind of her but I had no idea that we
1:12would grow to be friends and I truly
1:13think that it was God that has brought
1:16us closer together because you have such
1:19a beautiful faith about you isn't like
1:20an unselfish faith that's constantly
1:22seeking to care and remember things
1:24about others like I'm struggling to
1:26remember her like did I start the
1:28laundry and you like remember what's
1:30going on in people's lives and you check
1:32on them and it's such a beautiful skill
1:34and gift that you have and I have a
1:35couple women in my life they're like
1:37that but you're really good at that so I
1:38love that about you by the way thank you
1:41you're welcome
1:42ok so I start every juice box mom show
1:45with the prom' it's a prayer and a poem
1:47in perfect harmony doing the Macarena
1:49tango together so I wrote a poem for you
1:52are you ready okay you're gonna are you
1:54excited you want to write it down like
1:56the music in the background or anything
1:58okay Carol Oh Carol my creative techie
2:01mama friend growing three boys and
2:05loving them your grocery bill must have
2:07no end I admire the way you give to
2:10others
2:11let's pray and it's such a joy to see
2:13you seeking the very best of life in
2:15every way thank you Lord for this time
2:18with Carol today please guide our
2:19conversation help these words fall upon
2:21the ears of other moms who might need
2:23them thank you for the work that you've
2:25done in her life for her boys and their
2:27health and her husband and her journey
2:30in and out of work and mothering and
2:32giving and doing please just be with us
2:34today and thank you for all who are in
2:35this moment with us amen okay so tell us
2:39about your family I kind of gave away
2:41three boys okay my 19 years in October
2:49Wow we got married crazy young Wow yeah
2:52cuz you're like 21 oh yeah of course
2:54[Laughter]
2:57actually a big birthday coming up here
3:00in November we don't have to talk about
3:01that wait actually tell me what it is I
3:03should put it on a sticky note and write
3:05it so I don't forget it
3:07Carol turning 30 yeah I turn 40 on
3:11November 27 27th I can sort of remember
3:14that because Austin's birthdays are 25th
3:17so I'll just have to but usually truth
3:19be told here's my secret facebook tells
3:21me one of my friends have birthdays and
3:27Scott knows how my husband he knows how
3:29to make it like ping him on his phone so
3:31like he wakes up and goes oh yeah I but
3:35he won't be like oh it sounds so sparkly
3:36and so and so's birthday and I'm like
3:37how do you do that I always thought you
3:39was and I figured it out
3:40it's impressive yeah so you're almost
3:42the big four oh and I have three boys
3:45they are 14 11 and 9 so we're starting
3:50high school and middle school and then I
3:54have one left in elementary school but
3:56we're almost done oh my goodness 14 11
4:01and 9 I know that about your boys and
4:03they're all so different and yet exactly
4:06the same or you think that about them
4:09they're different and yet exactly the
4:11same so what I love to do on do sports
4:14moms is kind of do a past present future
4:16thing so I think in every mothering
4:18story there's these really critical like
4:21kind of points where
4:23you get to what you saw what you
4:25expected mother ain't to be like you
4:28look back on your life and you can kind
4:29of see maybe why you've made or thought
4:32some of the things you did about
4:33mothering and then it's kind of a where
4:35are we now saying so I'd love to start
4:37with just hearing a little bit as honest
4:39as you want to be as kind as you want to
4:41be as you as you want to be about when
4:45you were growing up your relationship
4:46with your mom or mother figures in your
4:50life and kind of what you thought about
4:52them and what you expected so did they
4:54work not work like what was a day in the
4:56life like for Carroll H from about 5 to
5:0015 what that look like my mom was
5:04full-time working mom and by the time I
5:07was in elementary school she was working
5:10compressed shift so she would work 12
5:13hours 3 days 3 to 4 days a week and then
5:17home the other you know three or four
5:19days a week and how many years did she
5:22do that for him
5:24she started when I was in elementary
5:26school and she did it and till I was
5:29married I mean till she retired yeah so
5:34do you think that's a good schedule I
5:37think it can be yeah I think it can be
5:42hard too it just depends would you want
5:45that schedule right now no different
5:51phases okay so three 12-hour shifts and
5:53then she was me yeah so um but she
5:58always was like a Girl Scout leader and
6:01you know she tried to you know be there
6:05to do the activities with us she tried
6:07to go to all my brother sporting events
6:09and anything when I was grabbed at least
6:13in the school I was in moms didn't
6:16really come in and help in the classroom
6:17so my middle schooler would like us to
6:21return to that policy I don't know how
6:23yours is but she sat me down the other
6:25day she's like mom so going into middle
6:27school now probably not gonna need you
6:29around as much anymore I was like oh my
6:31gosh I'm going to the parent meetings
6:32you can't keep me out but seriously you
6:35know my kids are the office
6:36my kids want me there more than I'm like
6:39wait you see me all the time come home
6:41then I'm going to come and volunteer in
6:44Della's class my boys are actually okay
6:48with that maybe it's a girl boy thing we
6:50should investigate that yeah I don't
6:52know well we were both like alpha her
6:55and I are kind of alpha female issue
6:57rolls so there's probably something
6:59going on there but that's another
7:00episode
7:00okay so many he financially was trying
7:11to get us out of debt and so she would
7:14pick up as many extra shifts as she
7:16could and so she sometimes worked five
7:19or six days of 12-hour shifts why do you
7:22think your parents got divorced
7:26[Music]
7:28okay we'll skip it you know I have to
7:31ask they you Karen didn't make good
7:35choices okay my parents didn't okay so
7:38they got to the point of where there was
7:40it's a broken connection of some sort
7:43that couldn't be healed yeah okay
7:45all right and you did you think that
7:47when they split or did you just discover
7:49that recently no I knew okay so mom
7:54became a single mom and there was you
7:56and what were your what was your sibling
7:57situation like I had a younger brother
7:59okay so you and a younger brother yep
8:01and then so it would we would do the
8:07save my dad one night a week every other
8:09weekend thing so most of the time we
8:13were with my mom but she was working a
8:17lot trying to support us and I'm sure so
8:22if you have to pick up the slack a
8:23little and kind of do some mothering
8:24stuff with your brother early on um yeah
8:28and I was we had a large piece of
8:31property that might we had about a third
8:33of an acre Wow mom took care of the
8:36whole outside and then I was responsible
8:39for cleaning the inside of the house so
8:41that's showing through and that I
8:43probably don't expect my kids to do as
8:46much
8:47a little resentful of how much I had to
8:50do as a kid yeah housework and stuff so
8:53it's always fascinating to me because I
8:56think I think as mothers we tend to
9:00spend more energy figuring out how we
9:02don't want to do things that our own
9:05mothers did or say now that I'm a little
9:07older I'm stopping and going oh my mom
9:10actually did a lot of really good things
9:11too but when I first became a mom I was
9:14so like I don't want this and I don't
9:17want that and I have to make sure this
9:18because I remember how hard that was
9:20when I was younger and then you kind of
9:22just grow and mature and start to see
9:25more of a whole picture that's what's
9:27happening at 40 although I think you're
9:28wise beyond your years
9:29but yeah that's so true for almost every
9:33mom that I talk to you in and off the
9:34show
9:34there's something very poignant I did
9:37not want to do this because my mom did
9:38that you know I have very few people
9:40that started going when my mom was so
9:42great she was a great chef so I knew it
9:44was gonna be a good chef and she worked
9:46so hard so I really wanted to work hard
9:48you know you always start with that like
9:49yin yang so okay so divorced in middle
9:53school did you ever have a stepmom enter
9:55the picture uh yeah my dad remarried
9:57shortly after my parents split up and
10:00your relationship with her was you know
10:05I'm a mom and stepmom which I have yet
10:07to do an episode about that but I get
10:10that it's a really hard road for kids
10:12and stepparents oh that's really cool
10:18that you would acknowledge that though
10:19because I think a lot of kids never do
10:22even as they grow up and to be adults
10:24and you haven't even had to be a stepmom
10:26so you don't even to be able to say that
10:29and recognize that without even having
10:31the empathetic experience of actually
10:35having to be in that in those kinds of
10:38shoes and feel that is such just an
10:41indication of your fake you chart I see
10:43your eyes no crying we're not crying
10:44there's no bearing on the juicebox mommy
10:46show actually there is praying but if
10:47you present all price so we can't cry
10:49yet let's so um mom working constantly
10:54so you did so you knew you want to be a
10:57mom yes or no I knew I wanted to be a
10:59mom
11:00okay and did you want boys or girls plan
11:02to work full-time you didn't you always
11:05need it to be able to take care of
11:07yourself Wow
11:10so you thought mom working full-time now
11:14is this to the extreme of like have my
11:15own bank account or okay you just want
11:21to be able to hold your own and
11:23contribute yeah okay how Oh
11:30I'm just pausing for a minute because
11:32the back-up plan is like indicative of
11:35but you know what we should talk about
11:37that in a minute because now I know
11:38where you are so okay so so I always
11:41want to work full time how long after
11:42you got married did you start having
11:44kids we got married was 20 and Preston
11:48was born last 25 5 years that's not too
11:51bad and were you working at that time
11:53did you I was working in supply line
12:00management for a pretty big huge company
12:03and they had a wonderful maternity leave
12:06program I had 12 weeks of short-term
12:10disability Wow 12 weeks of family
12:13bonding leads after that oh my goodness
12:16I had 24 weeks of paid 24 weeks of paid
12:21time off yes that's amazing don't you
12:23wish every company did that oh my god
12:25they would retain people longer I think
12:28if they truly could that's absolutely
12:29amazing so did you tell us about just
12:33like in general so birthing experience
12:35were you breastfeeding did they go well
12:38did you have c-sections like what was
12:40that
12:40no the birth went great the biggest
12:43problem was my oldest son got really
12:47sick a few weeks after he was born he
12:51actually had pertussis or whooping cough
12:54oh yeah it was just starting to come
12:59back at that time no one had ever heard
13:02of it do they vaccine for that now
13:04yeah they actually vaccinate okay
13:07pregnant women for that they've been
13:09vaccinating for whooping cough since the
1.479166667
13:13I think or 60 but a lot of people in our
13:17area quit vaccinating started coming
13:21back may have no idea where he got it
13:24and in London it lasts he spent 12 days
13:28in the NICU oh wow and then it took
13:34probably a few more months after that to
13:37recover so mine really and had you was
13:42this after your 24 weeks like had you
13:44gone back I was on maternity leave when
13:47so all that time though where you're
13:49supposed to be like bonding and things
13:51down and make us laugh Oh Carol okay so
13:57you know it's interesting because I've
13:59talked to a few moms and my
14:01sister-in-law
14:01actually had a baby that was really sick
14:04when he was born and it seems to I'm
14:09curious your take on it because it seems
14:11to almost like shift your heart into
14:12this space of just gratitude that
14:15they're okay and then you have this like
14:17different sort of peace versus I mean
14:20like me for instance
14:21you know God willing I had these three
14:24healthy beautiful breastfeeding pooping
14:28sleeping through the night after a few
14:30months like children I mean it was like
14:32this glorious story and yet motherhood
14:34was so hard for me like I was so poor
14:37sparked postpartum and resentful and
14:39frustrated and I can't you know it's
14:42it's like that that I was so grateful
14:44that I had these healthy kids but then
14:46the compare and contrast if sometimes
14:48moms who have kids that are sick and how
14:50emotionally they move through that
14:52differently did that affect you so for
14:54me because my son had something that he
14:57got from someone else I had done
15:03something wrong and I entered a huge
15:06depression I I called my mother-in-law
15:10constantly till there you know I can't
15:13do this he'd be better off without me do
15:18you think it was postpartum or do you
15:20I'm part of it was postpartum my
15:23after had put me back on the pill and
15:26then she was like yeah no you need to go
15:29off of that so she took me out for that
15:35not helped a lot that's good that's
15:38great that you had a doctor that paid
15:39attention and helped with that I did not
15:41ask for help early on I wonder how many
15:44moms would honestly say I mean I had the
15:46exact same moment where I called my own
15:48mom and was like you have to take the
15:50baby
15:51like I'm gonna actually am not capable I
15:54cannot do this I mean at one point I was
15:56truly trying to put him into her hands
15:58and run because I was just like I'm not
16:01cut out for I mean and I look at that
16:03now and I just didn't like all that I
16:05remember feeling so exhausted and
16:08uncapable and nothing like I expected
16:10and my body and all and then I started
16:13growing angry at what I expected it to
16:16be and what it wasn't and so you had
16:18some help around mother-in-law was your
16:20mom close by mmm
16:23my husband's parents between they would
16:27watch my son four days a week and then
16:29my mom was still working and she would
16:31watch him one day a week on her day off
16:34and so he never went into childcare
16:37that's awesome
16:38his grandparents and they were around we
16:42saw them every day so for you for now
16:44did you ask give some advice did you ask
16:47or did they ask you because so often
16:49like you know friction between I don't
16:53know if I should ask her they should ask
16:54well they never asked so I got childcare
16:56I mean did you ask well I think they
16:58they automatically assumed okay so you
17:02went back to work yeah so I went back to
17:05work and at that time my husband was
17:07starting his own business and so I
17:11talked to my boss to see if I could go
17:14back four days a week and they said no
17:16you can come back three or you can come
17:19back five oh yeah part-time I need I
17:24need the healthcare yep because my
17:27husband is not working so I had to go
17:29back five okay so you're working five
17:32days 48 hours a week you've got one
17:35when did baby two and maybe three come
17:38along so Preston was 18 months old and I
17:42decided that my father-in-law was having
17:45all the fun and I was a little bit this
17:50enchanted with my job at that point and
17:53so I was gonna take a little bit time
17:56off to decide what I wouldn't do next
17:58and a month later I was pregnant with my
18:01second kid Oh interesting
18:03how that worked out okay so talk for
18:06just a minute about that I'm gonna take
18:08some time off like talk about how you
18:10know I think we say that sentence so
18:12easily but there's a lot that goes into
18:14that like financially emotionally did
18:17you talk to your husband how did that
18:19conversation go did you have a back-up
18:21plan talk a little bit about how that
18:23decision was made so for a lot of our
18:26marriage only one of us has been
18:28employed at a time we kind of trade off
18:31so he was starting some business I was
18:34working full time so by the time Preston
18:37was 18 months old my husband was working
18:39full-time again as a contractor so for
18:43us the discussion was we had to go buy
18:45health insurance okay but in terms of
18:49paycheck wise you know it we had kind of
18:53been used to only living off one income
18:55so that means and did it ever bother you
18:57if the income was yours or his did you
18:59feel that sense of no I think because we
19:02got married so young when we had no
19:04money at all it's always been a joint
19:09thing I was still in college when we got
19:11married you were still having ramen for
19:15love yes actually coupons hitting them
19:19the local armory for barbecue night well
19:21he was working in Des Moines Iowa though
19:26and so he would fly out Monday morning
19:29and fly back Friday night and walk to
19:32the gate at the airport and pick him up
19:35every Friday night at 10:30 oh that's
19:38kind of a sweet look at your big smile
19:40that's a sweet love story yeah I mean it
19:43really is
19:43okay so Aden came along Preston was
19:47Jewish
19:48about two and a half and then Aiden and
19:50then Dylan was how many years later
19:52almost two years almost you so did you
19:56go back to work after you did not so
19:59this is where we're getting to the juicy
20:01gooey middle of one of the reasons why I
20:03really want to talk to you so besides
20:05the fact that three boys I knew a little
20:08bit of your story I know that right now
20:10where you are in mothering is that
20:12you've enjoyed the last 12 years 13
20:16years of staying home husband's been the
20:19breadwinner you've been home you kind of
20:23tried to dip your toe back into your own
20:26business now did you try at all any time
20:29in the last 13 years to go back to work
20:31or has the last year been your first I
20:33had one part-time job that I worked for
20:37minimum wage or just over minimum wage
20:41that was like four hours a day three
20:45days a week okay four hours a day three
20:47days a week and how long did you do that
20:49for I did that for a year and then you
20:51left because I was doing bookkeeping at
20:55a private school but closed to teaching
20:59for them okay so it was more of a
21:02opportunity came along it fit the
21:04opportunity went away you went back to
21:06your being with your place how have you
21:08seen as you look around as you pick your
21:10head up and look around and other moms
21:12with you know kids kind of similar ages
21:15working etc what do you how do you feel
21:19about the fact that you were home what
21:20things have you really enjoyed and seen
21:23that are positive and challenging about
21:27that over the last 13 years I think I've
21:30been able to advocate for my kids in a
21:33way that I probably wouldn't have
21:34noticed some of the things that they
21:37needed and I say that with a grain of
21:41salt I'm not saying that just because
21:43you're working you're not going to
21:45notice with you okay this is an equal
21:47opportunity expressional Association
21:50there are things that I wouldn't have
21:53picked up on yeah because well
21:55absolutely because you would have been
21:57distracted yeah yeah and your boys have
22:00very
22:02key areas which every kid does very
22:04specific areas in their life that
22:06they're very excited about and if you I
22:09mean what I've seen in you is when you
22:11tell me the camps are at or the
22:13immersion school or what they're
22:14interested in today or even just before
22:16we started you were like well my boys
22:18are in separate rooms playing together
22:20and I love that you have not just said
22:24no we're not doing that no we're not
22:26doing that but I constantly see you
22:27embrace what they're excited about and
22:30figure out how to turn it into a
22:32learning opportunity and keeping them
22:35passionate and purposeful in it because
22:37especially when we look at technology
22:39and virtual gaming all of those things
22:43robotics that stuff that's happening
22:45there's kind of this shadow over it that
22:48some moms seem to want to you know shake
22:49their finger at too much technology
22:51don't play these games do that on the
22:53other and a mom gave me some of the best
22:55advice just a couple weeks ago that I
22:57can honestly say has changed my
22:58relationship with my teenager and she
23:01said to me wherever your teenager is
23:03communicating and excited you need to be
23:06there and I was like wait what and she's
23:08like yeah and so I got a snapchat
23:10account snapchat yes and Carol I'm not
23:13kidding you like he snatched me like we
23:15have this this these streak things I've
23:17heard of these streak things but it's
23:18like how many days in a row you can and
23:20they're nothing they're like literally a
23:22picture of the ceiling right but it's
23:24just his way of saying hey mom you know
23:26getting our streak in for the day
23:28whatever and I adore that about him and
23:31we have some of the same it's just a
23:32connection point and you have really
23:35done an amazing job of keeping those
23:37connection points with your boys because
23:39like you said you advocate for them you
23:41get in the middle of whatever they're
23:43excited about instead of doing what I
23:45think mom's not necessarily working but
23:48distracted we'll call them distracted
23:49moms so when mom is distracted with her
23:52own agendas whatever it may be you see
23:55those things but the the mountain to get
23:59ahead of that to help with that to be
24:01involved in that you don't know anything
24:02about it it feels unfamiliar it feels
24:04kind of scary other moms are shaming it
24:06you're like I just know let's just go
24:08over here and do what the other kids are
24:11doing just go play basketball or go do
24:12that you know what I mean and you stop
24:15and listen
24:16and you embrace that and you do I see
24:18you advocating for your kids regularly
24:19so I think that's fantastic what about
24:21challenges I mean how is it well let's
24:25talk about a little bit about the
24:26biggest challenge that you're
24:27understanding now where you are today
24:31the biggest challenge that I've had is
24:34stepping away from a very well-paying
24:37job thirteen years ago I don't have that
24:41opportunity anymore
24:42and yet as soon as I submit a resume or
24:48cover letter or anything that says I'm
24:51returning to the workforce it's like
24:53that college degree doesn't mean
24:55anything
24:56five years of experience doesn't mean
24:59anything so it's super challenging it's
25:04very it's discouraging to hear I think
25:08corporate America is trying to find
25:11these places for moms right I mean hence
25:13the even before that the rise of the mom
25:15preneur and these companies these
25:18pyramid companies are you know makeup
25:20skincare jewelry candles pencil
25:22sharpeners and everything under the Sun
25:24that you can go and become an ambassador
25:25and salad a day and some of those things
25:27are away great products good opportunity
25:31you can make income have your own
25:32schedule but I think more than anything
25:34one of the things people don't talk
25:35about is it simply because they don't
25:38have to qualify for it you don't need a
25:39resume you an act you pay for your a job
25:42you literally pay you're like here's a
25:44couple thousand dollars give me some
25:45work to do because you're absolutely
25:48right when you've that much space
25:50especially anything that has to do with
25:52computers technology it has changed so
25:54fast and so many things have happened
25:56that the ability to just jump right back
25:58in it's honest and difficult to hear you
26:05say what I think a lot of people don't
26:08want to but I've seen you over the last
26:10couple of months experiencing this phase
26:12of like I'm really good at a lot of
26:15things and I don't nobody will just give
26:17me the chance to prove that even though
26:19I haven't been doing it for ten or
26:20twelve years regularly in an office
26:22doesn't mean that it won't still have
26:23these skills I mean you and I both know
26:25that mothering is like the toughest
26:26hardest most multi
26:28asking leadership managerial creatively
26:31resourcing your numbers together job
26:33ever right yeah and I've even spent the
26:36last two years you know networking you
26:40know in the industry and you know
26:42getting my computer skills back up and
26:45all that so what if some things that
26:47you've heard have you simply not gotten
26:49callbacks have people been honest how
26:50they suggested you take courses or start
26:54I mean what else suggestion I've gotten
26:57is to go back and get a certificate or a
26:59master's degree which I'm not super
27:03excited about working out money for
27:05school I did have the wait you have a
27:10bachelor's degree but they're suggesting
27:12that you get a certificate in a specific
27:14trade of some sort or a master's so they
27:17would hire you if you have a master's
27:19because then I'd be a new college grad
27:22again oh I'm just pausing for a minute
27:28gritting my teeth I get it you know I
27:30mean I honestly before I went out on my
27:33own I worked for Procter & Gamble
27:35McDonald's Corporation I had a very
27:36small little stunt at Nike but I worked
27:39for enough big companies to look around
27:41and understand that and you know from a
27:44managers perspective they look and see
27:46you know sadly over here who wasn't a
27:49stay-at-home mom who came in every day
27:51and worked 60 hours a week and needs
27:53this job or whatever it is or was
27:55constantly in the work force and they
27:57look at her and her ability to perform
27:59for them versus someone who's been out
28:01of it and it's truly a situation of for
28:07me personally it would be a situation of
28:09prayer of faith of what am I supposed to
28:13do of not ever and just I want you to
28:15look at my eyeballs not ever thinking
28:17for a minute that you made the wrong
28:18choice because that is where the
28:22temptation comes in is to sit there and
28:24think that you made the wrong choice
28:25you're not employable anymore you can't
28:28make money to support your boys future
28:29even though now they're in school and
28:31they're going to need college and all
28:32these kind of things because at the end
28:34of the day Carol you know this and I
28:35know this that money is not going to buy
28:37them health money is not going to buy
28:38them happiness and so what you've
28:41created in there
28:42life by taking this time off to be home
28:44the value of it will grow exponentially
28:47and invisibly over the next 25 years and
28:52that's the goal for you is to not let
28:54yourself grow weary and to believe that
28:57there is something coming that is for
28:59you and that what you have sacrificed
29:01will have reward far and beyond but I
29:04don't know about you I mean in those
29:05daily moments where you're like man I
29:06wish we could pay this bill or I could
29:08get that job I mean I also I know some
29:10of the jobs that you'll apply for and
29:11you've been like I would love to do this
29:13that seems to be what's hurting the most
29:15well and I would love to do this and
29:19some of them like I've applied for jobs
29:21that are like one was a receptionist job
29:26at a university and I didn't even get an
29:29interview so that's that's challenging I
29:32had some hope yesterday I had a friend
29:35who was like oh you should call this
29:38person and I emailed her and she emailed
29:41me backs and it might work out we'll see
29:44but it's totally new industry they're
29:47very open to training someone new in the
29:49industry and it has a huge potential for
29:52like a new career so okay I want to come
29:57back to that in a minute
29:58before we move on cuz I want to kind of
30:00the last ten or so minutes that were
30:02together I want you to give some tips
30:03about when you feel like you're ready
30:05how to know how to jump back in things
30:08to look for before we get there I want
30:10to know how you came to the decision
30:12that you were ready
30:13like why is right now the time where you
30:16feel like I gotta get back into the
30:18workforce I want to do something well I
30:21did tons of volunteer work four years
30:24and last year I still did some volunteer
30:27work but was really I called it my year
30:29of yes it was my year I was open to
30:32saying yes to helping people who needed
30:36help for whatever reason and that was
30:40great but I found myself sitting at home
30:43like waiting for my family to come home
30:46hmm like I was no longer living my life
30:51I was just sitting around waiting for my
30:56tea
30:56so I need to do something so did you
31:00feel like some of your I know for me as
31:05my kids grow and become more independent
31:07there is that sense of I want to let
31:11them go and it's easier for me to let
31:13them go when I close the door and I have
31:17something else that needs me
31:18hence my probably just got a puppy but
31:21seriously like there's that space of
31:23like you know I love that I have
31:26somewhere else to go to feel purposed if
31:28you'll use to feel useful to feel
31:30helpful so what I hear you saying is
31:33that it was some of those similar
31:35feelings of your kids were growing
31:37independent they you know they need you
31:39for a home-cooked meal paying a little
31:41bit of attention but they don't need
31:4310-hour you know eight hours a day
31:45because they're all very active boys and
31:48our schedules for the fall one of my
31:51kids won't be home till 4:45 another
31:54won't be home till 4:30 it's like they
31:57don't really need me here yeah yeah so
32:03have you thought about how those evening
32:05hours are going to feel because you and
32:07I know you're gonna get a job it's gonna
32:08be perfect and awesome and God's timing
32:10we'll make sure that it is and it's
32:13gonna be exactly what you need for him
32:14to teach you what he needs you to know
32:15in this season of your life and you know
32:19one of the things that I am constantly
32:20working on in myself is that I don't
32:23wait until when I'm sensing a change
32:25coming when I'm making a change in my
32:27life I don't wait until the change has
32:29happened to anticipate my response so
32:32meaning I'm expecting that if I were to
32:36take on more clients and more workload
32:37that when my kids walk through the door
32:39at you know 3:30 4 o'clock I'm going to
32:42be a little more exhausted so what type
32:44I mean have you processed through some
32:46of those ideas that those evening hours
32:48because there's a lot different when
32:49you're sitting at home waiting for the
32:50kids and you're like yeah you got all
32:52kinds of energy and food ready and all
32:54stuff to do versus oh my gosh I'm so
32:56tired you know we're having Lunchables
32:58for a good dinner again I mean how do
33:01you have you thought through that and
33:02put some systems or ideas in place a
33:05little bit so we
33:08would one thing that we thought about is
33:10we would probably still put my youngest
33:12son will be in fourth grade he's
33:14perfectly capable of coming home and
33:16staying home alone and playing on the
33:18computer but we would probably put him
33:22in a childcare program that has a bunch
33:24of kids for miss school awesome that he
33:26could hang out and have social time and
33:29be active and you know he would still
33:32have that without you know yeah that
33:37social aspect is really good and the
33:39other thing I love about that is that
33:41that would keep your last few hours of
33:43the day very productive because you
33:45wouldn't be worried and it would also
33:47potentially give you the opportunity to
33:49set yourself up in a position where
33:51maybe you work you know nine to four or
33:54eight thirty to four or whatever that
33:55looks like and you can truly still be in
33:58that moment which I know is so important
33:59to you that you leave work and you get
34:01to pick kids up and one of the time you
34:03know they're in the car or they're here
34:05whatever it looks like and you all get
34:07to it there's something really cool
34:08about that reconvening
34:10you know after a day everybody's
34:12experience things everybody wants to
34:14share and that first hour to where it's
34:16just you know all this stuff going on
34:19and that you would be able to be there
34:21for that then everybody kind of does the
34:23thing you get done already you know
34:25because I know how important that mom
34:28role and that mom hat still is for you
34:30and the other thing about why this is
34:32even possible right now is my husband's
34:35at the point in his career that he's not
34:37working 60 hours a week traveling all
34:40the time anymore
34:41he is working 40 hours a week his hours
34:44are super flexible if he decides to work
34:47seven to four nine to six or whatever it
34:51is it's super flexible he can work from
34:54home if the kids were to be sick one day
34:57you know that wouldn't be an option for
34:59us yeah he wasn't in that position that
35:04is another time I carried that role yep
35:07to be able to have to be flexible and so
35:10you knowing that if you went back and
35:11you had something big going on at work
35:13that you couldn't miss that he was an
35:14option so truly you know I think
35:16sometimes the moms just go I don't know
35:18I'm just bored but you really do have to
35:21look
35:21round at the problem-solving that needs
35:24to happen when someone gets sick when
35:26there's a field trip when they need this
35:27when they need that and how are you
35:29going to handle it as a team with your
35:30spouse because I think that often times
35:33we as moms tend to go we'll just figure
35:35it out I'll just figure it out
35:37and then in figuring it out you know we
35:39neglect ourselves and our health and our
35:41work and as so many things just start
35:43rolling downhill so it sounds like you
35:45guys have have a good plan together for
35:47what will happen then so let's talk a
35:49little bit in the last few minutes we
35:50have here can you give us just a couple
35:53of tips about some of the things that
35:55you did to get ready to go back into the
35:58workplace and some of the things that
35:59you would recommend like where you're
36:01finding some success and maybe your tips
36:03you can start with never ever ever wear
36:06this or remember that or don't ever try
36:11to go and work at a place where whatever
36:14like you know what what's that been like
36:16give us some ideas I would just say
36:18networking networking networking really
36:21good jobs okay I don't think anybody
36:24gets a job anymore by submitting a
36:27resume and a cover letter yeah that's
36:30probably true because especially when
36:32they're doing what you're doing because
36:34you're trying to get back into the
36:36workplace which means that you need a
36:38professional reference right somebody
36:39that's like she's great I've worked with
36:41her she's gonna be able to handle this I
36:42vouch for her you need some collateral
36:44right that's what you're looking for so
36:46you need collateral to get back into
36:48your career so you need somebody that's
36:49willing to say I'll put this on the line
36:52or I agree with this or I know this
36:53about that
36:55and you said volunteer work so I think
36:57one of the things that was really cool
36:58is like if you're a mom that feels like
37:00I might be ready to consider starting to
37:03volunteer at some places and get some
37:05experience for some things that you
37:06might want to be a part of and rules
37:08that you might want to have have you
37:10discovered women's roles in the
37:13workplace shifted it all since you left
37:16well because I've been looking at
37:18technology stuff I've gotten involved
37:21with women's tech community okay there
37:26definitely are some really strong female
37:30based organizations out there that are
37:32very supportive and reach
37:35and offer great networking opportunities
37:38and cool so what your industry is
37:42networking going and being part of it
37:44volunteering talking to your husband
37:47making sure you have a plan together
37:48have you talked to your kids at about
37:50this yes and what are they saying
37:52they're totally on board with it cool
37:55cool good so they're excited they want
37:57you to be working and do they think that
38:00this means that they'll all be going to
38:03Disneyland soon or do they say why do
38:05you need to work mom what do you need
38:06money for like how do they process what
38:08that well our family goal is to build a
38:11beach house that we own the property I
38:16seriously like if you even I bet knowing
38:19you you even have like visuals it's a
38:22it's what are those boards and prints
38:24already yeah what are those board things
38:26called that Oprah's a vision board so
38:29this is what it's for because in those
38:31moments where it's hard where you feel
38:33frustrated everybody knowing that you're
38:35all on the same team working towards
38:37some really cool great goal together is
38:39so powerful in just those moments where
38:42you're just growing weak and you're
38:43asking God for what you need and one
38:45more time again you forgot to buy eggs I
38:48mean it's just like really isn't it
38:50always the littlest tiny thing that
38:51you're just like I'm failing as a mother
38:52this is horrible I forgot to get eggs
38:54again and nobody has clean socks just
38:57goes out you know all these things that
38:59are just little I love that you've
39:01talked to them and that together you
39:03guys have come up with the perfect
39:04solution that's exactly right so okay so
39:07networking getting into industries that
39:10you're interested in talking to your
39:12kids and your husband and I would love
39:14to do an update on where your giant
39:17search goes I mean this is a that's
39:20exactly what this show is all about is
39:21really helping moms kind of just hear
39:24these other stories get some tips and
39:25figure out where they fit in line right
39:27because we might be someone might be
39:29listening who is like seven years and
39:31starting to feel the itch but as soon as
39:33they think about the idea that their
39:34husband still travels all the time their
39:36kids would freak out if they said mommy
39:38wants to go back to work right and that
39:40they're like I don't know I have a
39:41network I mean these are just great
39:43opportunities for people to just kind of
39:45stop and breathe and figuring out their
39:47mothering
39:48these verses work priorities and knowing
39:50you you will always make that mothering
39:53with heart and that attentiveness and I
39:55want you to remember Here I am I'm
39:57stepping on my soapbox what you said in
39:58the beginning which I think and believe
40:00that you can hold on to as the kids as
40:03you guys your whole family moves into
40:05this season which is paying attention
40:07and advocating for what they're
40:09passionate about because that really is
40:11a role for you right now and as they get
40:14older I think that we have to stop and
40:15ask them a little more about what can I
40:18do to help are you just wanting to talk
40:20is this something you want me to you
40:21know what I mean but just a simple fact
40:23that you're willing to engage and listen
40:25and hear them and care and that they
40:27know because Carol we know what people
40:30are capable of based on what they've
40:32always done right I always say nobody
40:34expects you to run a marathon if they've
40:36only seen you wear flip-flops so the
40:38point being if nobody thinks that you
40:40have tennis shoes and you can run
40:41they're not gonna be like great so
40:43everybody is expecting certain things
40:45from you based on what you've always
40:46done and you're getting out ahead of it
40:48and your quest for what's next and new
40:52and I love that for you because you
40:54really do have the truth of it is I mean
40:56we live in a moms can do everything
40:58right like mentality they can but they
41:02shouldn't but there are many things
41:04outside of mothering that we're good at
41:05and I'm excited to see what happens
41:07thanks for you so thank you
41:09speaking of my daughter my phones over
41:10here and it's like technology like my
41:15sweet little Avery her phone has ran out
41:17of time for the day she's at her dad's
41:19house and so she can no longer play on
41:21her phone so all she could call mom so
41:23when she runs out of time I'll show you
41:24do is call mom oh she can do is call you
41:26my 14 year old informed me last night
41:28that he is the only person on his water
41:31polo team without a smartphone well
41:33there you go
41:34then you can just say yeah cuz you have
41:36a smart mama you know what you need to
41:40do to make that happen
41:41you know you can do like seriously one
41:44of my kids made some comment like that
41:45to me once and I went into the kitchen
41:47and I got a piece of paper and I started
41:48like writing down the names of all the
41:50kids on the team and then I wrote a
41:52little box next to it oh I'm gonna take
41:55this to practice tomorrow and ask them
41:56all to check the boxes
42:00it right come out on that nip it in the
42:03bud Carol thank you so much for your
42:06time I appreciate this very much I love
42:09being your friend I love watching you be
42:11on this journey and I am just praying
42:13everyday for you through this and what's
42:15next and thank you for taking the time
42:17to share and give some tips and being on
42:19the juice box poncho and I'll see you on
42:21soccer field like very very soon and I'm
42:23quite sure of it yeah
42:27[Music]